Nuchu and I
The portrait that I see every day I wake up
And the same that I see before I go to bed
Making my heart miss a beat and my pulse at hold
Oh! The excruciating pain and a feeling of helplessness
‘Did I make a wrong decision?’ is the question I ask myself
I battle against all the odd feelings racing in my mind
Console myself that ‘whatever happens, happens for the best’
But this poor ordinary being is beyond any self-comforting messages
I go to University, attend the classes and try to bury myself in assignments
I go to work late in the evenings or dawn at times
Just so I can pass my days without thinking about him
But damn it! It is only for a little while I found
There has not been a single day that I didn’t scroll up his photos
And each session is as painful as the next
I shout out to him when I am all alone
At least I don’t fear being judged by anyone
‘Nobu-the-pug’ on instagram posts makes me miss my Nuchu more
I feel my nuchu would be basking in the same love and care
Had I not left him in the first place
Makes me even more guilty and unforgivable by the day
What is worst is I miss my Bumo too
She was just 48 days old when we brought her in
She was my Nuchu’s one of the four surviving children
The one that was destined to be with my family
The love of the family, the center of attention
My daughter, son, and hubby loved them more
Did I break everyone’s connection?
The fact I am more guilty of
I am like ‘can fate be any unkinder than this’?
But then to take it positively, fate has been kinder
Especially giving my Nuchu and Bumo a new family
Something that eases my own pain- a cover up I guess.