karmachoden

Nuchu and I

The portrait that I see every day I wake up

And the same that I see before I go to bed

Making my heart miss a beat and my pulse at hold

Oh! The excruciating pain and a feeling of helplessness

 

‘Did I make a wrong decision?’ is the question I ask myself

I battle against all the odd feelings racing in my mind

Console myself that ‘whatever happens, happens for the best’

But this poor ordinary being is beyond any self-comforting messages

 

I go to University, attend the classes and try to bury myself in assignments

I go to work late in the evenings or dawn at times

Just so I can pass my days without thinking about him

But damn it! It is only for a little while I found

 

There has not been a single day that I didn’t scroll up his photos

And each session is as painful as the next

I shout out to him when I am all alone

At least I don’t fear being judged by anyone

 

‘Nobu-the-pug’ on instagram posts makes me miss my Nuchu more

I feel my nuchu would be basking in the same love and care

Had I not left him in the first place

Makes me even more guilty and unforgivable by the day

 

What is worst is I miss my Bumo too

She was just 48 days old when we brought her in

She was my Nuchu’s one of the four surviving children

The one that was destined to be with my family

 

The love of the family, the center of attention

My daughter, son, and hubby loved them more

Did I break everyone’s connection?

The fact I am more guilty of

 

I am like ‘can fate be any unkinder than this’?

But then to take it positively, fate has been kinder

Especially giving my Nuchu and Bumo a new family

Something that eases my own pain- a cover up I guess.